another Korean weekend

So after my crappy days this week, I was really hoping that things would get better.

  So after Wednesday, I woke up, and read my Bible and ended up reading about having a cheerful heart.. which reminded me that my sad can be stopped, I don't need to dwell in it, I have to be cheerful when i feel sad

  So my Thursday went better

And so did my friday.  My friday was a lot of fun actually.  I have a new co-teacher, she just moved from California back to Korea after 2 years in the States (her kids are still in the US actually).  The great thing about her is that I can relate to her and talk to her.. plus I become a replacement kid for her :) So on friday she came in and asked me what I was doing this weekend.. I had plans... but on Friday, i really wanted to go to the Aquarium in the COEX mall in Seoul.. so she said. OK, lets go!  We worked on these plans at like 3:30, so about an hour before I was done work.  We asked the vice-principle if we could leave at 4, but he said no.. more proof that he doesn't like me.  But Ms. Lee (my head co-teacher) said to just go at 4.. and if the VP gave us trouble, to just go the the Principal because she wants me to be happy here and to settle and have friends.. heck, she checks if I have eaten breakfast in the morning.. thats how much she cares... so we snuck out...

So we went to the Aquarium.. it was GREAT .  I saw lots of fishes, and sharks, and got to touch a starfish, and get the dead skin eaten of my fingers by Dr. Fish.. very cool

   So my Saturday was booked with me going to spend the day with Ms. Kong, she is a technology teacher at the school, and doesn't speak much English, but she wanted to have me over.  It was really nice actually,  she had invited one of the students to come with, and she has 2 kids.. who both have good English.  So we played chess, a diamond game, and cards... then we had lunch, and then played Dominos... and then at about 2 we went and saw Mama Mia.. it was really nice  to see and english film.  It was also super great to spend a day with a family.. even if it wasn't my family.. it was the feeling of being with a family that made me happy...

(so i was able to write a lot of that without getting bothered... but now Kay is all over my hands)

  So  Sunday I went to Insadong with Kirsten and Vernon.  That was a really nice way to spend a Sunday.  the weather was great.. and we just walked through the area looking around at what was there and seeing all the shops.

I also got a PUPPY.. that is who Kay is.  Kay likes to chew on everything right now, including my fingers/arm/toes/neck/nose.

She is a 3 month old Shit-tuz and is pretty much the cutest thing EVER! right now we are working on teaching potty training and she is doing great!  She even pooped on her puppy pad tonight.. now we just have to figure out what to do when she is on my bed and has to pee.. because she barks if i leave her downstairs, but she can't get off my bed to pee.. because her legs are too small. she can't even get upstairs by herself.. which is a good thing right now.  

After we learn potty training we are going to learn NOT BITING ME! and then crate training... lots of fun.

But that is why I got her.. to have someone/something to spend my nights with, and to care for.

She has an attitude and loves to growl at her toys and shake..  she'll be fun for sure!

   She must have puppy ADHD because she doesn't stay still very long, so pictures are hard, and she loves to jump and climb on me.. so its hard to hold the camera and be attacked... her "aunt" is going to visit tomorrow, so maybe we will get videos then.. oh she is standing on me right now...

  She is also learning the whole outside thing... she doesn't like it too much yet.. so potty outdoors might not happen for a while... 

  So this week has been alright.. so far :) Monday i only have 2 classes.. so I was able to prepare for this week.. we will see how my grade 2 classes go..  and Tuesday I have the principle and vice-principle coming to see how my class goes.. dun dun dunnnnnn 

well I will let you know how that goes later

  So we can be happy that I have a puppy now, and be happy that one month has passed... and that each day is getting a little easier... there will be bad days.. but I need to learn to be cheerful on the bad days No matter what.... and I will get there :)

  

one month

well there it is... I've been here a month already.  

The sadder news to that, is I think I might be a 3 month person.

Things aren't much different then when I first got here.  Sure, things are not as frightening, but I do miss home as much as I did in the beginning.. and I still don't feel settled here, I'm getting there, but not yet.

   This week has been just a crappy week.  Since I had training, I didn't have a lot of time to prepare for the next week.  And to make things even better I had a really bad stomach ache on Tuesday, and a super awful headache on Wednesday.. and when one is sick.. the homesickness kicks into gear, and then the self doubt.. I really didn't want to be a teacher those days, and felt terrible because my lessons were terrible (in my mind) and I felt that I was letting a lot of people down.

   Today was a bit better.. other then my head hurting again.  I felt a lot more cheerful, and just ready to look for things again to teach.. and just be excited about teaching.  sorta.. It almost feels like I have forgotten how to be excited about things...

   Friday will be another crazy day.. I have a lot of classes in a row, and so that is super draining..

  Saturday I am having lunch with one of the teachers at the school.  She is a computer teacher, but has very limited English, as in, other people talk to me for her... so lunch should be interesting.. at least i am getting better at using chopsticks.. but i will bring my fork, just in case.

  Sunday is still up in the air.. church yes :) and maybe I will go to the COEX mall to the aquarium.... i want to see fish....

  

My Past week

Well, I am back from my week of training.

   So how did my week go?

Well I taught 2 classes on Monday, not a lot of work, but it was a day that ended in frustration.  We didn't find out where our training was occurring until Monday afternoon, and I was expected to be there on Tuesday morning.  I was to be traveling with someone else, and we were having issues getting in contact, so I was stressing out, and PMS'ing (sorry, I was) and I was homesick because it was Canadian thanksgiving and I was missing out seeing all of my family, and just the whole Thanksgiving.  So tears at school, and me actually feeling angry for once.  Its always different to feel emotions that I haven't felt for a while.  And with this whole experience being so new, my emotions are very high, and do some very strange things when I feel things.

  But we worked things out.  And so on Tuesday I got onto the subway and headed out to Meigum.. its a little city, in the hills.  The place was pretty nice, and in the middle of no where.  The first day was pretty hard for me, because i was so tired at the middle of the day, and the PMS issue, and just the not liking my normal changing... I don't do so well when my very fragile normal is taken from me.  So some tears were happening on the Tuesday as well. There were kind people who dealt with them well though..  

The Training was super boring.. and a lot of long days.  We started our day at 7, with breakfast, and went till 9 pm.  I usually was in bed by 11.. didnt go out with the rest of the people.  Most people use that training for being drunk the whole week.. not my thing.  But i did go out on the last night, because you do meet a lot of people.. 

There was one speaker that really stuck out for me.. and what he said will be very useful.  I have to do some internal thinking soon, and figure out WHY i am here.  As well I need to work on building relationships with my students, and that will help me feel good about being here.  Plus its ok that I am crazy.  I shouldn't be afraid of letting that in the classroom.. the kids want to have fun, and I want to be someone that they remember, even if they never remember what they learnt in my english classes.  So I have a new view of my teaching, and I am ready to mould some lives, and maybe teach some english at the same time :)

   I was also able to meet 16 other teachers from Ansan there, and am glad that there are people in the same boat as me as well.  

  Friday was a lot of sleeping when i got home, because I was exhausted.

Saturday was sleeping in, and then going to the bank, and getting my bank card stuck in the machine.. so I will have to go on Monday with Ms. Lee and get some help there.... (not stressing out about that though.. just feel a little silly).

I also got to be a small part of a Korean birthday party.  I don't know if the kids always do this, but they were having a flour fight.  They throw flower on the birthday girl, and it goes from there.  It was nice to have a laugh watching them.  And have a little english talking with one of the boys.  I am always happy to hear Korean student use their english.. they do really well when they try.. I just wish they weren't so shy.

  Sunday will be church again :)  and maybe I will join Adam and Melidy for noodles after church, and then we are going to the International Fair at Wa Stadium here in Ansan.. I am excited to just see things there.. and to take some pictures, and maybe some videos.  I can upload videos onto my facebook.. so now there will be videos coming from Korea :)  And if it rains, well then we are going to go see a movie.. Transporter 3 (i think i have to watch the first 2 tonight just in case)..

   Well love you all.. and thanks for the prayers.  And my first month here is coming to a close.  Can you believe it?  There are times when i still want to come home.. but I think by the time Winter break comes a long.. this will be home... I have hope.. even if I still cry...

as i write this, my Saturday is just ending, while yours is just beginning.

So a re-cap:

School: had exams until Thursday.  Monday, fell asleep on principal.  Tuesday to Thursday very boring.  Friday was teaching, but it was terrible. (just was not there)

Life: ok.  Not too much tears, a little on Wednesday because I was exhausted.. Rest of the week was school, eat, sleep.

Weekend: nice.

Friday night started of with going to the "downtown" area for supper.  we went out for pizza at Papa John.. so WESTERN food :)  Then we went to the world famous Korean "noreabang".  Those are Korean singing rooms.  Its like private Karaoke... so fun to watch.. not really my thing, i wasn't going to go in the beginning, but I stayed cause I really didn't want to pay for a cab by myself.. its SO much cheaper when you split it.  After Karaoke we went to a sports bar.

*warning: i will be speaking of drinking*

   The sports bar was super nice.. and in Korea, alcohol is super cheap (its also super weak).  The only strong alcohol here is sojo... so we had to have a few shots (2) of that.. and a lovely sojo cocktail, and like 2 beers.  NOT DRUNK :) But it was very relaxing to just go out with people, have a few drinks and just chill.

    Saturday:

I WAS BRAVE!  

OK, so first i wanted to sleep in a little.. but my apartment is super bright by 8 am.. so i was half awake, and then the people upstairs, well i dont think it was a fight, but domestic abuse is common here, and its not cool hearing someone getting hit.  Thats how I woke up.

  So after that I decided to embark on my day.

After a healthy breakie of cereal.. i headed out the door.  I was going to be going to Seoul, BY MYSELF, to go to the National Museum of Korea.  So i walked to the subway station.. and then rode the subway right to my stop, walked and made it the museum. It was free :)

The museum was nice on the bottom floor.. lots of old stuff.. and Korea has a lot of history.  I took my time walking around, because i had gotten to the Museum by 11:30.. and I wanted to take my whole day up there.  But by the time i had finished the first floor, i was sorta bored.. heehee.

  I wanted to go to the Children's Museum there.. but it wasn't easy access like in Hull, so I didnt.  I went outside instead and wandered the gardens that surround the museum.  Very nice

   Today I had a lot of "holy crap, I'm in korea" moments.  They weren't bad though.  I am ok.  I also missed Jeannine a lot today, because she would have loved the Museum.. and I am eating the ice cream that she and I ate at school, because it was cheap.. its not ice cream actually.. its soy.

   There are a few things in Seoul that I saw today, that I want to go see, but I think i will wait to go to the Seoul tower with Mom and Dad (i still hope you guys coming works out)

  But my adventure was totally easy.. and I might do it more often.  I can do the whole travelling by myself thing.. I just wish i could share it with more people.. but this will have to do :)

  Thanks for all the encouragement when i freak out about wanting to leave.  I rush myself to much.  So now I am taking it slowly and letting things take their course, and its been working nicely.  With things working out, I now have a korean bank account :) And on Monday, I shall have a Korean cell phone.. Thanks Vernon, and Vernon's boss :)

  OH! So you may not hear from me much this week, if you ever talk with me on MSN.  I am working on Monday, but on Tuesday till Friday, I will be off for a training week :)   They are putting us up in a Hotel *oh i hope there are bath tubs!!!!*   I dont want to bring my computer with, so I am going to be sans computer... BUT i will make sure that I have an ability to text!!

  (parents send new cell number, or i will just text brothers....)

Anyways thanks again for all the support.. lots of love

Another monday

Ah, Mondays

  I sure didn't want to wake up this morning.. just because i wanted more sleep :)

But I got up, and got to school.

At school the students are doing their mid-terms right now.  They have three periods for mid-terms, and then by 12 (noon) they are heading home to study etc.

I have to be at school all day, from 8 till 4:30... BUT they decided so that I wouldn't be bored all week, that I should be part of the exams.  I get to go with teacher to the exam rooms and stand at the back of the classroom for 45 min.. YAY! Instead of sitting at my computer clicking on things.

Ms. Lee (my co-teacher) was also looking into me being able to leave early, like the rest of the teachers.. but we will see what happens with that.

  Today the principal took me out to lunch again, with other teachers :)  We went to this special place that is very natural foods etc.  They also have a special dish, which is rice and what Ms. Lee said was honeysuckle.. but it really reminded me of swiss chard, or Kale... so rice and kale was the main dish.. and then you can add little things to your rice.. like the fact that I tried kimichi turnip in it.. pickled spicy turnip.  Very strange.. but good.  

So a korean meal goes with a lot of little appetizers, about 6 dishes, and then the main rice.  Then they give you a rice tea (it tastes like pop corn), then we were served a sorta pancake like thing.. its sorta like a patty made out of something.  All the tastes here are so HARD to explain, since we have nothing like them in Canada, you will all just have to go to a Korean restaurant and try things to know what i am eating :) And then we had another Korean tea.. its super hard to explain that one.. it was a red color and had like 5 tastes to it.  And then coffee.  

   So after that i was super full.  

Now, our principal is a very caring lady, and EVERYONE at the school worries about 2 things, that I am not eating enough, and that I am lonely (yes, I am lonely).. SO the principal asked me to come back to the school with her, and watch a movie about a Cuban band, it was about 2 hours long.  Anyone who has watched a movie with me knows that I have a problem.  I can't stay awake when we are watching movies.  Now add to a movie, with nice music, in spanish, and me FULL of food... 

  yeah, I fell asleep on my principal...

When I woke up the film was just ending.. and there was a note for me with 2 other movies for me to take home, and some more snacks....

I felt terrible for falling asleep.. and I figured she hadn't left that long ago.. so I went to her office to say thank-you and to apologize for sleeping (she doesn't speak english very well.. but I think she understood)

   And now I am sitting at home.. I watched one of the movies she sent with me.. it was a classical music DVD.. a guy named Andre Rieu... and i had some lovely instant mashed potatoes for my dinner.. I haven't had potatoes in AGES :)  

   AND i found SKITTLES at the grocery store today!!! HAPPY HAPPY... minus the fact that they don't taste exactly the same, the green ones are actually green apple.. very tragic. 

   Tomorrow I get to go to more exams, and then I get to go out for lunch with all the English teachers (to a place that serves Western food.. YIPPEE).. and then I do believe I will be joining the "foreigners" out for dinner for Kristen's birthday... :)

   Please know, I am fine.  I enjoy Korea, and I enjoy my school.  One day my heart will be happier here.  I am blessed that things are so good here, and that people care so much for me.  I just struggle with the fact that I don't feel happy here.  I should be happy.. things are great.. tons of people care for me.  But somehow I still struggle.. and that upsets me, and I give myself heck for it.. 

  I guess the prayer for this blog is that I can go back to where my "self- rebuilding" was, and that I can love me, and accept my situation.. and not beat myself up all the time.

Sunday

So my sunday... good day... 

I slept the longest i have here yet.. til 10.. because i forced myself to stay in bed..  But then I got ready, and went outside to read till about 12.. because i was going to be picked up.

  I had lunch plans with one of my co-teachers at Wonil, Ms. Moon. 

So her and her family took me out to the downtown area in Ansan to TGIF.. an american restaurant here in Ansan.  She has the 2 cutest little kids.. and a very nice husband.. very kind (that is a key thing in Korea relationships).  So we had a nice lunch, talked about some Canadian things, since they both studied at Brock for a period of time.

  After lunch they took me to one of the peaks here in Ansan, so that I could see the city, and as well, get a little view of the city.. it was cool to see the shape of the city, as well as the industrial area that is so key in the google maps thingy.  

After the peak, we went to the Ansan lake park.. yeah, they call it a lake.. its a pond.  Really.. and its a small pond.. smaller then the "lake" I walked around on Saturday.  But it does have a river, and its full of trout.. but it is illegal to fish them.. so there was a lot of trout swimming around in the rather shallow water.  There were also fish fishing for the trout.. so we watched those with the kids.. and just had a nice afternoon .

  I got home around 4:30.. and i'm pretty tired... if I am busy.. i dont think about things..

Other news: I have been emailing with someone who lives in Ansan, and has for 7 years.. he goes to a church here.. so instead of going to Seoul, there may be a church in the general area.. it still may be complicated for me, but in time perhaps I will be able to get it.  And taxis always know where things are.. and they are not too expensive.  So that should make people happy, and i hope it ends well.. because a church community could be helpful.

  A small other thing.. i was offered another position at a different school.  A school that has 3 other people from Redeemer teaching at it.  I turned down the offer, because its not the school that I am having problems with.  Its me.

  I think one of the biggest things is that i am so unsettled.  I don't have my alien registration card yet, and that means that I do not have a bank account, and without a bank account, I can't get a cell phone.  So I am very unsettled here still.  I also dont have a lot of money.. since I don't get paid until the 25th.  

  I struggle with having the faith in myself to be independent, when I still have to be so dependent on the school.  It was easy when we moved when I was younger, Dad and Mom did it all, we just had to learn to make friends, which was super easy when you are little.

  I think there are other things that are making me unsettled in general.  Being alone is emphasized by some things back at home.. relationships... and trying how to make friendships work.. without romantic interest getting in the way.. and then the feeling of being single so much... its emphasized here.  Especially when the married couples have someone with them.. and those that came here with their boyfriend of girlfriend.. they have someone to turn to.

  Another thing.. when you are really low.. you start to doubt your faith.  I will admit that my faith was not the "liveliest" before i left.  I believe in God, and know he loves me.. but I was in the spot when the bible reading and the prayer slips away.. and when you go to church just because its a motion that you do.  Things were fine.. and I wasn't challenging my faith.  I have the benefit (and curse) of a strong religion background.  I know lots of things, and I believe them, but its hard to act them out all the time.  

  And so when i hit the rough times, its like I've heard it all before.. So i get a little frustrated with everyone. because i know that they are saying.. I just am mad at me that i can't just accept it, and do it.  Plus everyone is saying... but they are not in the situation I am in..  no one else is on the other side of the world by themselves.  Struggling with their self-esteem and getting mad at themselves because they thought they were over those issues..

  Well.. so now those people who experienced my crashing on friday.. I hope that helps you understand a little better.. And for the rest, I guess that helps you know what to pray for.  I am praying now and reading my Bible (but that is because things are rough right now).

  Have a good day everyone.. its my bedtime soon (ok so its 7).  

This week is mid-terms for my school.. NO TEACHING...

and then the week after I have my training week... so then I will meet new people who are all in the same boat as me, and perhaps that will help with the alone feeling.

         love

Now....

So, I haven't posted in awhile.  I read the last post and laughed at myself.  Happy... wow..  one day things are great, the next day it all comes crashing down and I struggle with being here.

  So what have I done here since that Tuesday.  

Thursday night we went to the downtown area here in Ansan.  We went out for dalki galbi.. which is like fried rice and meat.. There I met a few more of the foreigners, as well as 3 Korean students that know the group.  That was the evening I met Kirsten, she lives in our apartment building and teaches at a High School here.  I was talking to her about still having a hard time with the grocery store, just finding healthy options for food.

  So Friday morning we went to the grocery store, and did some walking around.  She also taught me how to use the washing machine.. since it was in Korean.. sadly it does not have a dryer.. so my apartment was covered in laundry.. at least it got things really dry.  Then Friday went downhill.  I felt so alone again. and home sick.  I really dont feel right here.  There is something in ME right now that isn't settled here.  Korea is great and my teaching job is lovely.  So i was a mess all of friday.

    Brian sent me a message on friday night, and recommend on saturday, during the day, that i go to Hawrang Park, so I did.  I got myself out of the house and walked the way to the park, after I found it on google maps and saw that i just had to walk straight until i got to a big parking lot.   So I walked around the park and took some pictures.  I also walked around the pond, it was about a 2km walk.   It was a good walk, I took some time to think.. and to still randomly cry.  I was looking at a map of Ansan and it made me cry....   The park also had a museum of Modern Art.  So i went it.  It was very strange.  Like one art was a documentation of one mans skin disease on his hands and feet.  He even took samples of his skin and other gross fluids.  Modern Art is a very interesting thing.   At the park there were some girls from my school there actually so they politely said "hello", and asked if I was hiking, and then a friend from another school said i was "pretty".  I also got "attacked" by small children.  When i met my students they do their best to talk to  me in English and then there is often silence.  With the little kids, they just started going on and on in Korean.. and I know NOTHING.. none of it made sense :)  and they wanted to follow me around, and talk.. so I went outside, trying to find the group that they might belong to.  But then I found myself surrounded by lines of groups of children.  But all they said to me was Hi! And waved.  So i waved to a lot of kids.  I felt like the queen.. haha.

  Saturday night Brian showed me Itaewon.  Its in Seoul, and it is pretty much a Western area, the stores are all Western and there are so many non-Koreans there.  So I have been to Seoul now.  And I also have an idea of how to use the subway.  I don't think I will ever go to Seoul by myself though, because it is very large and just not the safest for going to by yourself.  

Back to Itaweon.. we went to an English bookstore there, and that made me happy.  I got 2 books, since I had finished mine that I brought with me.  And we had grabbed gyros :)  So I had food that is slightly normal to me for once.  And it gets better.. after the bookstore, we went for ice cream :) I hadn't had ice cream since leaving Canada.. and we went to Cold Stone Creamery... sorta fancy ice cream.. it was good!  It was that or Starbucks for me (since I dont have any money) and the ice cream was worth it.

   After walking around Itaewon a little to see what was all there.. we saw the Rocky Mountain Tavern (Canadian Bar), and it even sells "Grasshopper" (thats from Alberta times with Dan and I.. and Keith, Dan's twin).   There are a lot of Western shops there.. but maybe not the best place to buy clothes, because it would be expensive.. you can find cheaper places Brian was saying.

  We then went to a little place called "All that Jazz", to hear some Jazz.  It was really nice... the music was really well done.. and it was just nice to be out of the house.  Plus Brian was the one who wanted to be there.. so I didn't feel like I was dragging someone out of their life, and it was very nice to be included in the activities of other people.  And I like Jazz.. so much skill in that..

  So life in Korea is good.  Now if I could only become good feeling here.