Something I read today

So I figured that I would go back to doing my devotions.. I sorta slacked off when I got Kay. When i first got here I was able to read my bible and pray every morning.. but now with Kay, I would instead use that time to play with her. But I've decided to change that habit. Kay is fine with sitting on my lap as a read.. so now we can work on that together.
I am learning that I need to CLING to God a lot more. I am so STRETCHED here. I find it hard to pull the pieces back together when something happens..
Like yesterday.. Ms. Lee pulled out the "disappointed".. and when I disappoint someone.. well that really gets me down. I felt pretty blue.. and didn't know what to do to get myself back up to par. I find it hard to do that because of the whole stretched thing. And I am seeing that when I am stretched out, I need to go to God, so that He can fix things. When I was first here, I was clinging so much to Him because I was scared, over-whelmed and alone.. now I am comfortable here.. so yet again, I relax my clinging.
Its a new year... so I have gotten myself a gym membership.. told myself no more snacks, just fruit, and will hopefully get back to my Devotions daily.
Today I was reading something, and I will post it after this opening... It was about the worries of life.. and the fact that we let them get us so down. We need to find joy. The biggest thing that got me in this, was that she said, we might not be able to find joy in our daily life, but we can always find Joy in our Heavenly Father. I often forget that. I focus on the worries of the day, like not getting my work done, or letting people down, or just feeling drained.. that I lose my joy... but I am looking in the wrong place.... So that is my reminder for the day...
The devotional I read is from a site called "Girlfriends in God"... its sorta writen for women, but I think this applies to everyone...
Winning Over Worry, Part 1 Mary Southerland
Today's Truth "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)
Friend to Friend The holidays are a very difficult time for many people -- for many reasons. Following the thrill of the Christmas holidays and New Year's celebrations, reality starts to sink in. The credit card bills arrive. The sun disappears and long, dark days string together like a heavy, suffocating blanket. Already broken resolutions for the New Year mock our commitment to discipline and the darkness of depression makes us want to crawl back in bed, to pull the covers over our head and wait for a better life to come along. Those feelings are all too familiar.
In 1995, I went through a devastating two year battle with clinical depression. While sitting at the bottom of that deep, dark pit, I discovered many truths and learned many lessons. One of the most important lessons is that the pit of depression is always full of waters swimming with worry. I worried about how I got into the pit and how I would or even if I could get out. I worried that depression would affect my family and our ministry. I worried about what people would think of me when they saw my weakness and failure.
In the darkness, worry made everything seem bigger and uglier than it really was! Worry helped usher me into the pit and worry was now one of the prisons guards. I desperately wanted to trust God, exchanging my worry for His peace. I read countless books on the subject, described in detail my favorite worries to those who would listen and constantly begged God to take away the anxiety and fear. Nothing worked. I was losing the battle with worry while sinking lower into the grip of darkness. There had to be a way to win over worry!
The journey began with a strong, clear look at the affects of worry in my life. It wasn't a pretty picture. Worry permeates every area, invading peace, warping perspectives and impacting physical and emotional health.
I am reminded of the man hospitalized because of anxiety. For hours, he pressed his ear up against the wall, listening intently. When the nurse came in to check on him, he whispered a warning and called her over, motioning for her to be quiet. The nurse pressed her ear up against the wall and listened for a long time. "I can't hear a thing!" she finally said. "I know", the man replied. "It's been like that all day!"
Worry is wasted energy. It is consuming, draining and unhealthy. Worry fits this world but certainly does not fit the picture of a joy-filled life, the life that Jesus came to give us. Nothing will rob you of joy quicker than worry. God came so that we would not have to worry and yet we continue to do so. During those dark years, I sat at His feet dumping each fear and worry into His capable hands, resting and waiting for deliverance. It came.
In the key passage, Paul gives us the promise of peace. However, there are conditions to be met and actions we must take in order to experience that peace and win over worry!
Action one: Choose joy
Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" The Message says it this way: "Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him!"
The author, Paul, is serious about joy, telling us twice in this passage to rejoice! The word "rejoice" means "to practice joy, to take delight in and be glad". Many times, life makes it impossible to be happy but we need to understand that happiness is not what Paul is calling us to. Happiness is a cheap imitation of true joy and totally dependent on the circumstances of life. Joy, however, is a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control no matter what the circumstances of life may be. Joy is a choice.
Paul's situation, while writing this letter, could make you wonder why he was even writing about joy, of all things. He was in prison under Roman house arrest, awaiting trial and almost certain execution because of his faith in Jesus Christ. Yet, he tells us to rejoice! Don't miss this! What Paul is really telling us is a life-changing truth! Our inner attitudes do not have to reflect our outward circumstances. In other words, we cannot always find joy in our circumstances but we can always find joy in the Lord of the circumstances.
You have probably discovered that there is absolutely no way in this world to escape pain, but we can avoid joy. The pursuit of joy is a matter of choice. Our first and most important choice is to come to the only source of true joy - Jesus Christ. We must also choose to rejoice in the midst of every circumstance - good or bad -- and keep our focus on God, gladly accepting His plan for our lives. We must choose a joyful perspective. A little boy asked his friend. "Wouldn't you hate to wear glasses all the time?" "No-o-o," the other boy answered slowly, "not if I had the kind grandma wears. She sees how to fix a lot of things. She sees lots of nice things to do on rainy days and she always sees what you meant to do even if you mess things up! I asked her one day how she could see that way all the time and she said, 'It is the way I choose to look at things.' So it must be her glasses." When we choose joy, we are choosing against worry!
Let's Pray
Father, I feel as if worry constantly nips at my heels, trying to steal my joy. Help me to see life as You see it and to choose Your perspective instead of my own. Lead me into Your peace as I learn to trust You wholly.In Jesus' name, I pray Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Make a list of the five things you worry about the most. Find a verse or passage of scripture that applies to these five areas of worry. Write the verses on a 3x5 card and place the cards in your purse so that when the worry comes, you are prepared.
Look back over your life.
What role have you allowed worry to play in daily life?
What are some of the ways you have confronted worry in the past? Were they effective?
What is the first step you need to take in order to win over worry?

Christmas In Korea

So if the world is wonder what my Christmas was like here in Korea.. I will write about it
Yes, I was sick the past week.. so much of the past time passed quickly and was to fuzzy to make sense. I had a pretty major fever on Christmas Eve, and spent the day in bed
My Christmas was nice though. I woke up and was no longer sick.. no more fever at least. I still felt a little off. But I got together with a group of foreigners in my building and we had a christmas lunch and a gift exchange, so i did receive a present on Christmas... even wrapped :P
But the biggest thing i have to admit, is that I enjoyed a Christmas like that.
I liked the fact that I was not surrounded by consumerism this year. That I wasnt encouraged to shop shop shop and buy things for people, that perhaps they dont really need. I liked not feeling like the whole day was just about gifts and the stuff we get.
Think about this. The US spends 450 Billion dollars A YEAR on Christmas.. and it would cost 10 billion dollars to give the world water.. forever.
But we keep on spending so much.
And even now, when the world is in recessions, we still find something to complain about in that. When we can't live on 15 dollars an HOUR but some people live on 2 dollars a DAY.
Can you see how sharp the contrast is there??????
I dont get it sometimes. I want to do so much more... and yet I still have the western lifestyle. I still have debts that I have to pay off.. and that means I need the well paying job to get the government to leave me alone. And if I have the well paying job, then I have to be able to dress the part, which means spending more. And if I have the well paying job and the nice clothes, then I should probably have a car to get to my job. And I should leave a nice, comfortably furnished home with my car each day. And maybe I should be able to stop for my 5 dollar coffee.
That cycle clouds our minds so much.
This year choose to do something different. Presence instead of Presents. Choose to live, to give, to give more but spend less.

3 months

So the great news, is that I have been here 3 months already.
Oh and that my parents will be here in 45 days... just a little over a month away :)

The past week has been crazy. It flew by and dragged at the same time. How one week feels like a month, I have no idea....
Last week was regular classes for me, with the addition of my extra class, pretty much every day. Which makes my days really long.
I also had to deal with the fact that my office was crazy, as I am in the 3rd grade teachers office... and all the 3rd graders had a special "off" week. This craziness makes it impossible to work in my office, and made me rather confused of what was going on.. as some of the third grade teacher also teach 2nd grade classes with me.
I also had a training seminar on the wednesday, and that was so much fun. It started off with me not being totally sure I was supposed to be there, as Ms Lee was not there on Tuesday to tell me if I was supposed to go, after I had registared. Well, I took a chance and went with another Native teacher from my building. So i got a phone call at 8 30. ms lee was calling to ask where i was. I was at the training... she got all flustered, saying she didnt tell me to go, because we didnt get an email saying i was supposed to.. well we did.. she just hadnt checked it. So after her freaking out a little (great way to start the day.. NOT)... she called again and said I was supposed to go.
So we went, and left early, and just had a nice day NOT teaching.
The next day ms lee asked about it, and said it was pointless and wondered why we even go to those things... UGH
I also had another class whith her that lead to me NOT doing well enough yet. We did tongue twisters.. how the HECK does someone do tongue twisters wrong....
Thursday night we had a birthday party, which was nice.. minus the fact that I was exhausted.. and wasn't really the best company :P But I got to watch some euro qualifier highlights.. that made me happy.
Friday I had 5 classes in a row.. and was DEAD.. I had an awful headache, and also had to take Kay to the vet that evening. So i took a nap and was feeling better after that. I then took Kay to the vet, and got to cook supper for a friend.. oh I miss cooking.
This weekend was a lot of nothing. I didnt do much at all. Saturday I slept, and then went shopping for cleaning supplies and some other things other then food.. then I cleaned the apartment. And then watched movies for the rest of the day.
Sunday I woke up with a TERRIBLE cough. I feel like crap still. I can't talk. So sunday was church, and then bed. I slept a lot... took advil often.
So now this week, I cant talk, and I have classes and extra classes.. ugh.. there will be a lot of movies shown.
My christmas plans are not that exciting.. I have to work on the 24th, but then plan to go to a concert in Itaewon. And then on Christmas day we have a dinner together and just relaxing.. and then on the 26th.. back to school... at least its a friday..
Its almost break.. thankfully!
Cant wait.. i really need the rest!

Time to write, I dont want to work

Hey world out there.... well, world in my computer anyways...
Right now I dont want to work, and I have already just re-organized the english zone and went outside... (but i got caught outside... ms.lee gave me a funny look).. so I am back at my desk, brain wanting to bleed in the process.
Ok, so this week.
Its been a pretty decent week. Work wise its been a good week. I had no classes to teach due to exams. I was able to spend the whole week planning 16 lessons for my extra class that is this month, as well as beginning the process for my winter camp, which is 20 lessons as well. At least the winter camp is fun.
So this week I have been able to get ahead in my work. and just focus all day on the planning, without the interuptions of classes, which usually make me lose my train of thought :P
So social life this week.. well I took a break actually.. stayed at home with Kay.. relaxed, slept a lot...
Tonight, (friday) I am going with a lovely group of people for Dinner (McDonalds) and then we are going to see a movie (Twilight) and then out for drinks. I am pretty stoked about dinner and a movie... and leaning towards getting a coffee at starbucks and drinking that instead of alcohol.
The Saturday is going to be another subway and shopping trip. This time I will be with people :P so hopefully I will not get lost this time... oh man, good times. I also have my camera back in working order, so that is good, So there will be picture from this weekend. We are going to hit up Insadong, the tourist area, and then the area where a lot of Western shops are. So that will be cool :)
Kay is doing great. Getting super active and busy and cuddly too... less eating of my hair.. but still constantly wanting to be with me. She has major attachment issues :P

So now I dont know what to write... There are so many thoughts in my head right now again. Like why am I here.. why did I choose Korea. oh, yeah, to make money. But right now I want to be somewhere else where they need me. Where I dont go out and shop and still am surrounded by so much consumerism. Part of me feels like I am not making a difference here. I know I am.. really I do. The kids love me lots, and I am working.. and I am supposed to be here, because there is so much happening to me.
But I miss the Christian community. I miss just being able to talk about my faith without being laughed at. Or being able to tell the bible stories that I love... or working with youth... and caring for others in the way that Christ calls us to.
Guess my calling to Ministry is picking up again. There are reasons like that for why I am in Korea.
Now the question is.. am I called to the mission field? What is my calling after this year. I may have 9 more month here... but sometimes answers take a while. and this is a prayer thing that is HUGE. A huge life decision. And it would definatly change EVERYTHING that my life is right now.

The great thing is that my parents will be here in about 55 days :) and then I can talk to them about this, and actually get vocal feedback, instead of thinking about this all the time in my head.. or typing....

Well thats my update for now

so its been a really long time

Wow.. so I was looking at my blog, and looking at how long it might be since I have last written.
I think its getting harder and harder to think of things to write. Life here has gotten to be pretty normal. So normal in fact that I am getting comfortable with the people here.. and making the wonderful stupid mistakes that I always do around people. You know, like when I forget to THINK before I talk. I always seem to mess up relationships when I get comfortable with people. That was last week, a bit of a kick to deal with.
God has been doing that often here. Teaching me so much stuff. And its hard! I think the hardest part is finding the time to absorb what he is teaching me... because right now school is so busy, and I just dont have time to think.
I actually got sick last week Thursday. I took a day off, and spent a good amount of time thinking, praying, crying, and only being ill once. I will be happy when December is over, because I have done so much work this month, and that is what is draining me so much.
December for me, holds a month of extra classes. So every day after school, from 3:30-5:10, i have 20 students come and learn English with me. I enjoy the class, as their level of English is higher, and they want to learn.. but I am teaching this class by myself... so I have to create ways of getting the students to work with me. And I still have to remember to stop making my lessons so hard... they seem easy to a native speaker.. but they're not so simple, I think.
Anyways.. those extra classes go all the way till the 29th of December.. so a lot of work.. and with it being at the end of the day, I am always more brain-dead then.. and tired...
What else is going on... working hard... umm.. OH! i know
My Saturday (so 2 days ago), I went to Yongsan.. or as I call it, the land of shiny electronics. So I was going to meet Brian there, since I knew I wouldn't be able to do the whole store thing by myself. So I took the subway by myself.. forgetting my map. To start it off, I went 4 stops to far past where Brian and I were to meet, so we met up in the middle and then walked to the land of shiny electronics. Once we got there, it was really cool to see what was all there. and you get hasseled because all of the sales people are selling the same things, but if you asking around you can get better deals.. which we did. it was fun.
Now getting home. Oh dear. So Brian directed me to the right subway and the right track to get onto. Ok, so far so good. This train, we thought, would go down automatically, and then bring me to the stop where I needed to make my transfer.
It didn't
So i ended up travelling all the way to Incheon.. yeah.. great eh.. I asked the train people there for a map. Got directed to the right train and right track, and went back to where I was supposed to get off the train, so I could head downwards towards home. So i get on a train. This train, instead of continuing down the line, goes to this off side area, which was a giant KTX station. So I begin just a bit of a panic attack. This was not so fun.. but at least they had nice bathrooms, so I used them.. found the track that would lead me back. Got off at the station before it went into the stupid off link. I then found some Korean women who were travelling together... and asked them if this train would connect me to the station where I needed to transfer one last time. And it was! There was also a lady who had to transfer at the same place as me. So she nicely, dragged, me around :). There was also some university students on the train that spoke better English, so I could ask them to double check.
So i finally made it on to the train that would take me home. I was lucky that i made it in the time i did, because the trains DO stop running at some point in the night.
I took a taxi home instead of bussing.. just because i couldn't deal with the stress, and I didn't know how much longer the busses would run at that time.
I have a new rule... well 3. Never forget MAP! Never get on not packed trains! And Don't travel alone again.. I get way to lost....
It was an ok experience. At least the trains are nice... it was dark, so I couldn't see a lot more of Korea.. and my panic attack wasn't so major.. only teared a little when I had to talk on the phone... but if I wasn't talking, I wasn't freaking out to much. And now i know for next time...
Sunday this weekend we got SNOW! I took Kay outside in it! There wasnt a lot of snow on the ground, so she really didnt know what it was.. she just thought we were outside for fun.. and that she was getting a little wet.. Now its raining.. and the weather is supposed to go back to 13 sometime this week. Weather in Korea is strange.
This week is exams for the students, so at least I will get this week to plan. Hopefully I can stay focused on planning.... I often get distracted, because it really is hard to sit and plan lessons ALL day.
Well, hopefully everything goes well this week, and then December is almost done. I only have the 25th off.. and then back to teaching until the end of December. After that the school is out for about 2 months.. but I am here every day.. woot....
BUT then my parents come Feb. 5-15!!! Very exciting. And I get to have those days off and get to enjoy time seeing Korea with people actually!
Ok.. time to start working.. I think...