Sunday

So my sunday... good day... 

I slept the longest i have here yet.. til 10.. because i forced myself to stay in bed..  But then I got ready, and went outside to read till about 12.. because i was going to be picked up.

  I had lunch plans with one of my co-teachers at Wonil, Ms. Moon. 

So her and her family took me out to the downtown area in Ansan to TGIF.. an american restaurant here in Ansan.  She has the 2 cutest little kids.. and a very nice husband.. very kind (that is a key thing in Korea relationships).  So we had a nice lunch, talked about some Canadian things, since they both studied at Brock for a period of time.

  After lunch they took me to one of the peaks here in Ansan, so that I could see the city, and as well, get a little view of the city.. it was cool to see the shape of the city, as well as the industrial area that is so key in the google maps thingy.  

After the peak, we went to the Ansan lake park.. yeah, they call it a lake.. its a pond.  Really.. and its a small pond.. smaller then the "lake" I walked around on Saturday.  But it does have a river, and its full of trout.. but it is illegal to fish them.. so there was a lot of trout swimming around in the rather shallow water.  There were also fish fishing for the trout.. so we watched those with the kids.. and just had a nice afternoon .

  I got home around 4:30.. and i'm pretty tired... if I am busy.. i dont think about things..

Other news: I have been emailing with someone who lives in Ansan, and has for 7 years.. he goes to a church here.. so instead of going to Seoul, there may be a church in the general area.. it still may be complicated for me, but in time perhaps I will be able to get it.  And taxis always know where things are.. and they are not too expensive.  So that should make people happy, and i hope it ends well.. because a church community could be helpful.

  A small other thing.. i was offered another position at a different school.  A school that has 3 other people from Redeemer teaching at it.  I turned down the offer, because its not the school that I am having problems with.  Its me.

  I think one of the biggest things is that i am so unsettled.  I don't have my alien registration card yet, and that means that I do not have a bank account, and without a bank account, I can't get a cell phone.  So I am very unsettled here still.  I also dont have a lot of money.. since I don't get paid until the 25th.  

  I struggle with having the faith in myself to be independent, when I still have to be so dependent on the school.  It was easy when we moved when I was younger, Dad and Mom did it all, we just had to learn to make friends, which was super easy when you are little.

  I think there are other things that are making me unsettled in general.  Being alone is emphasized by some things back at home.. relationships... and trying how to make friendships work.. without romantic interest getting in the way.. and then the feeling of being single so much... its emphasized here.  Especially when the married couples have someone with them.. and those that came here with their boyfriend of girlfriend.. they have someone to turn to.

  Another thing.. when you are really low.. you start to doubt your faith.  I will admit that my faith was not the "liveliest" before i left.  I believe in God, and know he loves me.. but I was in the spot when the bible reading and the prayer slips away.. and when you go to church just because its a motion that you do.  Things were fine.. and I wasn't challenging my faith.  I have the benefit (and curse) of a strong religion background.  I know lots of things, and I believe them, but its hard to act them out all the time.  

  And so when i hit the rough times, its like I've heard it all before.. So i get a little frustrated with everyone. because i know that they are saying.. I just am mad at me that i can't just accept it, and do it.  Plus everyone is saying... but they are not in the situation I am in..  no one else is on the other side of the world by themselves.  Struggling with their self-esteem and getting mad at themselves because they thought they were over those issues..

  Well.. so now those people who experienced my crashing on friday.. I hope that helps you understand a little better.. And for the rest, I guess that helps you know what to pray for.  I am praying now and reading my Bible (but that is because things are rough right now).

  Have a good day everyone.. its my bedtime soon (ok so its 7).  

This week is mid-terms for my school.. NO TEACHING...

and then the week after I have my training week... so then I will meet new people who are all in the same boat as me, and perhaps that will help with the alone feeling.

         love