something different, and perhaps hopeful

I am going to do something that is different then what I usually do..
Instead of just an update, I am going to write.
But, we'll start with an update. My weekend was very peaceful, Kay and I did nothing all day Saturday. well, we did sleep in till 8:30, and then we had a nice relaxing morning. Then in the afternoon we went to the park and just sat in the grass in the sunshine. Super lovely weather, it was supposed to rain.
And my sunday I went to Church, and this is what I want to write about, and its connected to something in Saturday as well.
So before I left, a lot of people wondered what would happen church wise, and so did I. I was hearing from some people a lot of worry about what church would be like, and that it may not be what we think church should be. But i am experiencing the opposite. I go to a large church here in Ansan. Korea is actually one of the largest Protestant countries in the world. There are churches on every corner... or every buliding almost, and there are a lot of buildings here.
People here are very vocal about Christianity, and believe that EVERYONE should be saved. Like saturday, while i was in the park, i was in the grass with kay.. just relaxing, and this lady comes up to me, this conversation is all in Korean on her side, and English on mine, and a one or 2 words in english from her. She asked where I was from, and where I was teaching.. Her son goes to my school. She then decided that I need God. The thing is that it is often assumed that because I am a Foreigner, I dont have a belief. I've been prayed for on the subway.. for my salvation, though, not my spiritual health. Anyway, back to Saturday. This lady did not understand me when I said I am a Christian, I believe in God, I go to church. She kept pushing.. the english that came out, was Heavenly matter, and you church, go now. That was a little bit fustrating because pushing God at people like that does nothing. And it wasn't like i could just get up and walk away, because she is a parent of one of my students.. so i said it was lunch time.. and I told her to find me on Tuesday (our schools festival), and we can have a translator.. and I can tell her that I am a Christian... I was a little angry after that.. fustrated...
So back to Dongsan. Its a HUGE church and it has a English service. The english service is great to have.. but the preaching, well that is where I am looking for more. Pastor Nick has the passion, but he needs training.. or it might be me.. right now what he is saying, it doesn't move me to think...
So after church on sunday, we went for free noodles and coffee after the service. I went with Melidy and Sarah.. two other english teachers.. and after we had our noodles, we were walking to get the coffee, and we went and peeked in on a worship service that was going on. And there was God...
That worship was passionate, and even though i couldn't understand the words, you could feel the passion, and the presence of the Father there. So no more doubts about God not being there. The hairs on my arms were standing up while we where standing there. Can you think of what Heaven will be like.. it will be like that.. so many languages coming together to worship our Father *but then we will be able to understand it all* It was refreshing to see that.. and great.
This week has also been another reminder of God's purpose in our lives. When I was thinking of coming here, I wondered how God would use me in a land where I dont understand people, and they dont understand me. And when things were rough, I wondered if God was still with me here.. i felt so distant and alone.. all over.. alone from people, alone from God. But i took that situation, and told myself to pick it up.. A cheerful heart is a decision. Same with the relationship.. i have to work on it to feel God. So with a new attitude to here, and a puppy to distract me, we have begun the process of becoming comfortable in Korea, and a new person then what I was when I got here.
With that change, God saw I was ready I guess. He had reasons for sending me to Korea. He put me in the hallway with Kay at the right time this past Wednesday. He has put me through my life journey to prepare me for what I might have to say, or do. He gave me the heart that I have for a reason. "For such a time as this".
I am in Korea for a reason. But I am holding on, because once God starts, you can sorta assume that its just the tip of the ice burg. Who knows what else God will bring into my life here. I just have to be open to what He might want. And I'm ok with that.
I have been doing so much growth here.. its scary. Sometimes I dont recognize myself when I look in the mirror.. or when I look inside myself. I look older (it might be being tired).. and the things that come out of me, are much more mature. I no longer have to play the roll of the crazy goofy kid that most people thought I was...
When I get home, i have a feeling that most people who have not walked along side me in this journey, will not recognize me. And friends that have "walked away", may not fix any longer, because of this new person I am... or they will not recognize me anymore.. and i can't let myself side into the comfortable, silly kid I was. I need to stay in this rough walk, where crap is thrown at me, and I accept it. Were i can be the person I am becoming.. it may be uncomfortable, but its what I am becoming now. There are benifits to leaving, because the true friends are seperated from the not, and this way is a way of closure.. a nice end. And sure I wont call it end forever, because God does what He needs.. but this feels like an end to some, and a beginning to others. The true relationships have become more intense, and have grown to levels i could not imagine. I dont know what i would do without the re-assurance that Jeannine will still be there when I get back :) and I love how I have a new relationship with Amanda ( i see myself so much in her.. so get ready Amanda, if your life takes a similiar path to mine).. and Dan and I... there is a level of dialogue there that amazes me... not surface talk which I usually have guys, because boys are sometimes pretty shallow :P and i need deep
Being here has brought other challenges, perhaps not only for me, but for other people. I want to be able to cause people to feel challenged. I want people to begin to see where they are in their lives as well. To see our own masks.. or our flaws, or our hang-ups, our emotional problems... and i want to encourage them to take the chance to give God the OK to work, and to HOLD ON. Because once we give that OK to God, he is going to work, and it will be an intense ride. There will be changes you might not like, there will be things you see about yourself that you will hate, there will be times where you want to jump off the ride... BUT Hold strong, HOLD on.. because the end results will be glorious.. I am soooo excited to see what else this year holds for me.. I've only been here a month and half.. and already the things I see.. Some of these changes have been there for a while.. BUT its the first time seeing them.. and that is the amazing thing.. I'm letting God show me things.... letting Him work, even when I dont like it... and its a WOW thing. Just like the worship.. Its a WOW. God is here in Korea, and God is working. Even when the seas are stormy, they had to be stormy, for God to show himself to his disciples... we often don't see things if our eyes aren't open (oh, i just got yesterdays sermon on the seeds more.. well at least God's using parables)... We need to have our eyes opened. Perhaps that is why the bad things happen.. we need to have our eyes open.. and God works even in those times. He has control over the WHOLE story. And yes, kike Job, sometime the devil gets his hands into our lives.. or we mess up, and let him.. BUT GOD USES THAT! He can make all things good :)
ah, its good to see this.. and feel this..
(oh and if you are wondering why I had time to write so much.. i only have 2 classes on Monday, and I finished next weeks lesson already, and I didnt want to start lesson 4.. and I felt like writing... )
:)